Crazy Week

As weeks go in the lives of stay at home moms in my quiet suburban city, ours at the Baird house was fairly eventful.
Started on Wednesday when I was home with the little boys. A firetruck with sirens and lights drove by our house around 11. I didn't think much of it, but about 30 minutes later there was a knock at the door. Still in my robe from a bath, thinking I was about to feed Ryan and all three of us lay down for a nap, I answered the door, and there were two firemen with their fire suits on. They informed me that Verizon had hit a gas line while working behind our house, and though it was not near explosive levels, the fumes might make us uncomfortable. They suggested we go somewhere for the afternoon. No big deal...pick Kate up early from school and pack it up to camp out at mom's for the day. Hey, I just got out of cooking dinner and we got to go play at Jojo's big fun house! I could still even get my nap in. :) The firemen asked if they could check my backyard to make sure there were no problems. They came back inside to inform me there was a small problem. Because of where the leak was, I could not back my car out of our driveway . Apparently that would be hazardous. So...my sweet unassuming friend Sarah calls just as I am trying to decide what to do. She kindly offers to come and pick us up to come play at their house for the afternoon. I take her up on her offer. She comes in her rescue van to take us refugees by Sonic and then home to play. Ryan had a great time playing with his friend Tuck, and Ben and I had a good time hanging out with Sarah. At 3, sweet friend Sarah wakes her poor boy Tuck up from his nap to take us back over to another friends house, Laura, so I can meet Kate after school. We hang out at Laura's house until 5, where we have a good time playing with Kate's friend Ashley and Laura's boys. Chad comes to retrieve us. Thankfully we get our gas turned back on by 9:30. In the midst of all this, mama is coming down with the stomach bug.
So...that was Wednesday. Thursday I am pretty bad off. Chad has to take off from work to get Ryan and take him all the way to Seagoville to meet his mom...you see, she is keeping him for the weekend. We have made arrangements for Ryan, because Chad is scheduled to have a procedure done on Friday. He is doing his part in our "family planning." Knowing he will probably be a little sore for a few days, his sweet mom is keeping one of our kiddos.
Friday, we are driving to Dallas to have the procedure done. Chad had been able to get in for the consultation in early Feb, and they scheduled it for the end of Feb. It all moved a little faster than I realized it would. Suddenly we were in the car, about to literally "cut off" any possibility of having more children. I am 99.9 % sure our family is complete, but somehow it just seemed too final at our age and stage of life. I started coming up with crazy hypothetical scenarios of why we might want 4 kids, but Chad continued to be the voice of reason. We get there, and I stay behind in the car to feed Ben and wait for my mom. Mom and I go in, and we are 20 minutes behind Chad. I say to myself "if he is still in the waiting room when I get up there, we aren't going through with it." Sure enough, he was sitting there. He still goes back when the nurse calls him, but I just can't get comfortable with the finality of it all of a sudden, so...I ask the receptionist at the front desk to please get my husband for me. The nicest doctor gets me at the door and listens to me cry and say I am not ready, I am so sorry. He tells me if we aren't both 100% sure, today is not the day. This isn't a do over. So....poor Chad comes out in his robe, and sees his crazy wife standing there. He realizes nothing is happening today. He must be the most patient man...just kisses me on the forehead and says it's okay. Of course, I am sure he wasn't that upset about being off the hook either. Long story short...nothing happened, and we went home with all parts intact.
A couple of days later I am still not sure what came over me. Do I have a crazy fear of something happening to one of my kids, do I really deep down want 4, am I just full of hormones because I am still nursing and only just 16 weeks post partum, am I ready to close the chapter on having babies and just really sad about the reality of never having the experience of having another baby again? I know all good things must end...I can't have babies forever. I don't want to. I have to have the last one at some point, and I am 99.9% sure it is with Ben. Anyway, that is my crazy story.
Other news and notes:
Ben has started laughing, still loves to be swaddled, loves to cuddle, loves his bro and sis, loves eating his cereal (mixed with a bit of applesauce of course)
Kate is in a 13 shoe, has 4 loose teeth, still wants to sit by me in the movie and hold my hand
Ryan still carries the ax everywhere, is in big boy undies all the time, still takes a nap every afternoon, always askes when "titter" is coming home from school